http://www.redinkworks.com

Notes: FOLLOW THE SIGNS

The premise of this story is engaging and ranks high in entertainment value and imagination. The premise and developed story are the key strengths of FOLLOW THE SIGNS.

There are a few areas that would benefit from your attention. But I must stress that one of the most important qualities of a spec script is the quality and marketability of the story. Your story really does shine.

The characters are unique, believable and do their part by involving the reader in a strong and compelling story. The writer has also delivered us into the world of the unique and interesting characters – showing us their needs, goals, fears, and desires. The goals presented are both visible and tangible.

Cast Design. The writer understands the essential importance of the protagonist creating the rest of the cast. The cast enjoys a successful relationship with the main protagonist – each in their own way, helping to sketch out the dimensions of the protagonist’s complex character. Well done.

The pace of this story when applied to the format of a spec script does not work. It will work once the bloated and wordy phrases are trimmed from the scene setups and action descriptions. Also needing work – narration! Remember to show us the story, rather than tell us the story. Once accomplished, the writer will be able free the momentum trapped within this excellent story. It is important for the writer to have faith in both the entertaining story, and the strong characters.

One aspect that greatly assists the potential of the momentum is the writer’s ability to enter most scenes late and depart early, as well as adhering to dialogue that is lean, to the point – and character-unique. Seriously consider getting tough on the action descriptions to maximize the potentially brisk pacing of the story. (Examples to follow)

The strength of the writer’s voice is evident, but in a (slightly) undisciplined manner that tends to get in the way of the telling of the story – at least in the descriptions and setups.

Besides using wordy and flowery expressions – the writer is guilty of micro-direction. Remember:  Leave room for the actor – omit constant description of the character’s behavior, nuances of gesture, tones of voice, etc.

The dialogue works very well to the advantage of story and characters. The writer succeeds in telling the story in the visual – while making use of economic and plausible dialogue. The dialogue contains character-unique voices, memorable lines, as well as being delivered through interesting characters.

Important examples that if applied to the entire script would pick up and enhance the pace, adding true momentum to the entire story. The writer MUST trim the wordy expressions in the narration.